Andrew L. Van Slaars

There was an episode of Friends where Chandler wanted to quit the gym and they talked him into staying every time. It was pretty funny. If I remember correctly, Ross went with him for moral support and not only did Chandler remain a member, Ross bought a membership as well. The people running the gym basically made them feel guilty and intimidated them into staying/joining.

When I was younger (and in much better shape), I worked in the fitness industry. At one of my jobs, my boss was a guy who had worked with some of the big, chain fitness clubs throughout the course of his career. New members received royal treatment, and signing up for a membership was a simple and enjoyable experience. This was good for business and I can see how the experience would lead people to tell their friends.. which they did. We had a hell of a viral marketing campaign going for a while.

Unfortunately for the customers, quitting the gym was more like that episode of Friends than signing up had been. Rather than allowing customers to leave and keep a positive opinion of the gym, the process created enemies. Customers who wished to end their memberships got a more strenuous workout quitting than they ever did while using the gym’s facilities.

Trapping customers is a trick this guy had picked up while working for a big, national chain of gyms. What does it say about your product or service when you have to trap your customers to keep them? Each customer who remained trapped or just gave up the fight to get out accounted for a relatively small amount of monthly revenue. Is getting every last penny out of somebody worth it? Of course not. The ill will that this created with customers and eventually an entire community cost this business several key employees (myself included) and eventually they went out of business.

If your customers decided not to be customers anymore, what do they have to do? Would they lose precious time and effort trying to leave? Do you deal with peoples’ data? Can they take it with them when they leave?

Don’t make your customers “quit the gym” if they decide to leave. Offer them an easy way out, be pleasant about it and let them know they are welcome back at any time.

Customer Service, Marketing Customer Service, Marketing, user experience

…But thanks to this tip from lifehacker, they can be tricked into never calling again. If you have a robot pest problem like I do, check out the tip and get the robots to stop calling.

Business, Customer Service Customer Service, Marketing, telemarketing

I hate telemerketing!

I’m not a big fan of automated response systems.

I’d like to meet the super genius who decided to put the two together and create the automated telemarketing call… and punch him in the face!

When my phone rings, I expect to answer it and hear the voice of a person. I prefer it when that person is somebody I know. I can tolerate it if it is a sales person of some kind, especially if they listen when I say I’m not interested. But when there is a machine asking me to press 1 for English and 2 for Spanish in order to put me in a que to speak to a person, I have a major problem with that.

If I am important enough to call, I am important enough to at least receive that call from a human being. Automated response services work because if I initiate the call, there is probably a pretty good reason. Since I have a reason to be on the phone, I am more likely to wait and listen to that awful music for 5, 10, 20 minutes than if I didn’t have a good reason.

I hang up on the machines. I would expect that most people hang up on the machines. In fact, I’d be shocked to learn that somebody actually waits for the person for any reason other than pure amazement and profound curiosity.

Has this ever happened to you? Did you talk to the machines? If you have, I would love to hear about it in the comments.

Business, Customer Service, Marketing Customer Service, Marketing, telemarketing

I very rarely use my landline phone, so on the rare occasions that it rings, it is more than likely a telemarketer. I recieved a call the other day from a satellite TV company that I have done business with in the past. The person on the other end of the phone was trying to talk me into returning to them for my TV service. I explained that I was not interested and that I was quite happy with my current service. The person on the other end of the phone proceeded to ask me what I was paying for my current service. I told this person that cost was not my main concern and that I had no interest in switching services. He proceeded to read the next response from his script. I explained that I was never very happy with their service and that I didn’t want satellite dishes on my house again. It would seem at this point that the phone wasn’t sending sound from my end of the connection to his because he started with his canned speech again. I hung up.

I have issues with telemarketers as it is, but when the victim (that’s right, I said victim) says “I’m not interested” that should be the end of it. The correct response to “I’m not interested” should be “Thank you for your time sir/ma’am, have a nice day” (or something along those lines). No means no people!

If you are a telemarketer, listen to the person on the other end of the phone. If you are in charge of a call center and you write the scripts, include the “…have a nice day” option and encourage your staff to use it.

Business, Customer Service, Marketing Customer Service, Marketing, telemarketing